Tuesday, December 10, 2013
Those two follies were a no go. I got my dumb period on Saturday morning. FOUR days later than anticipated. Generally it's like clockwork, but given the higher dose of Femara, and the amount of time I took it for this past month (7 days vs the usual 5), things were a bit delayed. Frick. Four days is a long time. I know it's nothing compared to what some of you experience with wonky cycles, but it was pretty craptastic for me. I tried to stay off Dr. Google, but I caved several times during those days. I found myself googling all sorts of scenarios that could possibly lead to a positive pregnancy test. Finally, though, my body did as it always does, and confirmed without a shadow of a doubt, what my heart already knew. This cycle was over. My two plump follicles were all for naught. I didn't want them both to take by the way. I ain't that greedy (or crazy). I just wanted one of them to come through. For Jesse's sperm to miraculously do it's wiggle dance with just one of them.
Didn't he get the invitation??? Jeesh!!
So onward we go with acupuncture for Jesse. And his cocktail of supplements. I think I am going to join the party after the new year. I've never heard of acupuncture hurting anyone....well other than the several needles poking into you all at once part...so hopefully it will only aid our mission. And relax me. And curve my crazy. Maybe I will get some fun pills to pop too.
Oh. Yeah. And then I got my first order on Etsy. Literally five minutes after I got my period on Saturday. I cried, and cried, and cried over the timing of everything. The note attached to the order was from a reader who has been following my blog this past year. And she's finally pregnant after suffering from infertility. Her words were just so genuine and sincere. And supportive. And gave me hope. I think I'm finally coming to grips with IVF being our best bet for having a family. I can't say I am at peace with it. I am still really, really angry (I gotta work on that, I know). But I've got a grip on it. That's why I've gone full speed ahead at creating the J Baby Rags concept. And no, the irony of making baby products is not lost on this infertile. I know my little venture is not going to provide us with every penny we need for treatments, but it's going to help. Even if it just covers the couple thousand for medications. And I guess I felt like the perfectly times post-period Etsy order was God or the Universe's way of saying, "It's going to be OK. I got this."
I sure hope so.◦
Posted by lo @ crazy ever after at 12:44 PM
Monday, December 9, 2013
When Jesse and I argue we tend to go to some crazy extremes. I am sure we aren't the only couple that does. I get upset because Jesse NEVER does this (acts like he cares about anything but sports, or brings about our infertility struggles) Or he gets upset because I ALWAYS do that (nag on him, or freak out over something trivial--admittedly I am guilty of both). Lots of nevers and alwayses (a word, or no?) get thrown around. And it ends up going nowhere, but in rapid stupid circles. The nice thing about our spats, though, is that they are just that. Spats. We don't go for the jugular. We don't hold onto grudges. And they are generally over in a short amount of time. We fight. We get it all out. We rarely pull shit from the archives of fights past. And then it's over. Usually it's me, the exasperated fight picker, who says, "OK, I don't want to fight anymore." And Jesse rolls his eyes (poor guy didn't even want to fight in the first place), and says something to me through Bobo (in his Bobo voice) like, "tell mom to pipe down on the crazy." And then we high five and make out. Or something of the sort.
The poetic musical genius, Billy Joel makes a poignant statement in one of my favorite songs, "Darling, I don't know why I go to extremes. Too high or too low, there ain't no in-betweens." The song is aptly titled, "I Go To Extremes". That's Jesse and I. The always and never words should just not be allowed in a fight. The minute one person says it, both parties should be muted, and forced to go to their corners to cool the crap down. Because it's not fair. It's not realistic. And it's never going to go anywhere. Jesse and I are recognizing all this. Anc recognition is half the battle, right?
Marriage is weird, guys. Not necessarily hard. Just weird. Good thing I am a big fan of weird.
(Image Found on Etsy. Quote by Dr. Suess)
Posted by lo @ crazy ever after at 11:49 AM
Thursday, December 5, 2013
It's astounding. Jesse and I have felt nothing but blessed since opening up more about infertility. Sure, I've had my doubts. Questioned our decision be so public about a commonly private matter. But for every negative thought I conjure up, I am reminded of the people who have reached out. They've supported us by purchasing the products I am selling. Over $200 in orders and it's not even been a week since I made it public. Amazing. They've offered their words of encouragement. Such sweet, thoughtful gestures. Some have even gone out of their way to offer their time to make J Baby Rags more successful. It's nothing short of humbling. It makes me wonder if I've done enough for those that I've crossed paths with in my life. Doubtful. I strive to do more. Give more. Be more. This journey has taught me that.
Of course I've lamented a bit to my mom about my concerns over people judging us. Her simple words continue to resonate with me.
Isn't that the truth? My mom. She's a smart one. Knows just what to say to her nervous Nellie of a daughter.
A little more about all this stuffs...
I have a super basic Etsy shop opened up now. There's just one listing for the burp rags. The pictures are of the finest iPhone quality. Better ones coming after the new year (super excited about this!!). I wasn't completely sold on Etsy, but ultimately looked at it as another outlet that will allow us to share our mission. And it's open for business if you want to place an order that way. I am also working on a few NON-BABY related items, and becoming more confident with them. Keep your peepers peeled for those, as they will hopefully be posted soon. Visit the store by going to www.etsy.com/shop/jbabyrags.
You can also follow us on Facebook at www.facebook/ourcrazyeverafter. I love having daily interaction with people who are interested in what we're going through. I want to like your blog's page on Facebook too, so leave it in the comments if you have one.
And then there is email. Feel free to message me at email@example.com.
I don't plan to have a bunch of pre-made products up for grabs, so it's preferable to correspond with you via email, so we can customize your order that way. Feel free to be as picky as you'd like with colors, and I will do my best to meet your needs. Make sure to tell me if there is a certain fabric you like, as I am happy to purchase it.
Oh! A giveaway. There will be one of those soon too with my ever supportive, blog friend, Dawn. Stay tuned!!
That's it for now.
Toodles, my doodles.◦
Posted by lo @ crazy ever after at 9:44 PM
Monday, December 2, 2013
Before I begin...follow us on Facebook. I just re-opened my page for the blog.
I signed up for two swaps this past month. One was a mug swap hosted by Jessa at Dreaming of Dimples and the other was a sock exchange hosted by Risa at Who Shot Down My Stork.
I signed up for two swaps this past month. One was a mug swap hosted by Jessa at Dreaming of Dimples and the other was a sock exchange hosted by Risa at Who Shot Down My Stork.
My sock exchange buddy was Stephanie at Icing On Our Cake. She got me thee cutest socks, along with a very thoughtful, handmade card.
She went with a piggie theme. Very cute to play on the "we'll get pregnant when pigs fly...." It's a feeling a lot of us gals are all too familiar with. Well will ya look at those socks? Flyin' pigs for the win! Nicely done, Stephanie. Thank you!
My mug swapper was Lisa with Lisa and Chris's Journey. Like Stephanie, she was a new blogger to me. Both girls are such sincere, sweet women, and I am fortunate to have them both in my blog roll now. Lisa hooked a girl up with not only a cute mug, but two pairs of socks, and some cute holiday decor as well. All were right up my alley. The mug was chevron, something I haven't always liked, but can now say I am officially a fan. Seriously loved all the stuff. Here's a picture of the loot I scored.
One little side note about Lisa and I. We both chose the same exact stationary to send one another. How random is THAT!?! I don't have a picture but it said, "Every single day, do something that makes your heart sing." I decided to take the cards advice because.....
I am loving my newfound hobby of sewing. Love. Love. Love. And I've been doing it every day for the past week. And to think I've had that sewing machine for FIVE years this month and just recently whipped it out and started using it. I sewed a moderate amount as kid, thanks to my mom teaching my sister and I. I knew the basics, and could follow a pattern if need be. Interestingly enough, it was a lot like riding a bike. It all came back to me even after all these years. After writing my introduction post, Operation: Make A Little Moola For IVF (this past Thursday) I have been sewing nonstop. I even have Jesse in on it.
Him and Bobo are my official fabric cutters. Apple is very disinterested in the whole process, and far too evolved for such shenanigans. That's the story of her life. If it doesn't involve napping, farting, or begging for food, she wants nothing to do with it. Just like her momma before I turned my life around (kidding-maybe).
Anyway. Sewing is fun. It makes me want to host sewing parties every weekend, where everyone sews and drinks copious amounts of wine. And giggles. And talks about boys. And braids each other's hair. I imagine that's what Laura Ingalls Wilder did back in her day. I'm just sure of it.
Here's what I've whipped up this weekend.
I am also working on a few bandana bibs, and will be adding them to my product line as well. Better pictures are coming soon. These are just iPhone ones. Stay tuned!!
Thank you so much for all your support. Those of you in the blogging community, and also to those who are newly following along. I officially came out of the infertility closet on Facebook this weekend. It was super nerve wracking, but I was blown away by the people who reached out to us. It confirmed to me that I made the right decision to be open about what we're going through. It can be such an isolating process if you let it. And I have totally let it isolate me in the past. But no more. And it feels good. I'm not one to be all, "boo-hoo, my life sucks!" on Facebook, but I am honest and real. I hope my willingness to open about this journey will open the door for others to reach out if they are going through something similar.
Alright. I'm out. Girl's gotta sew.
Posted by lo @ crazy ever after at 6:19 PM
Thursday, November 28, 2013
I am in the car on my way down to my parents, and decided to take a few minutes to introduce you to a fun project I am working on right now. Something that combines my creative side...and infertility. Interesting mix, eh? Yeah. I know. But the two really do have an odd connection. Sadly I have felt myself robbed of my ability to be creative since infertility has crept into my life. And I hate that a lot. So I am making a concerted effort to make the two become friends through a new project I have embarked on. It's a project that has helped me get my creative juices flowing again. Helped my mind focus. But also something that will help us potentially reach some of our smaller financial goals for future fertility treatments.
Hmmm. Interested yet? Or am I losing you? Are you in turkey coma? Yeah. Don't worry. Me too.
I'm sewing burp rags. For babies. Weird thing to make considering there are no babies on our horizon (that we know of). But given my chosen profession (modern day Mary Poppins), I do have a plethora of experience with burp rags, and I know what products work. And I've been saying for a while, "I could totally do this." So I did.
They've been so much fun to make, and I am actually excited about being creative again! Something I haven't felt a desire to be in months. They've given me a drive I haven't felt in a while either. The burp rags are far from perfect. The stitching is a little wonky. I'm working on it. I think that's what makes them uniquely mine, though. I am far from perfect myself. But just like in life, I am embracing these imperfections. And perfect or not, I have decided to start selling them. I am using my blog to tell my readers about it, hoping those of you with babies would be interested in buying them. Or even those of you without children will be interested in buying some for friends with a baby? Maybe? Just throwing it out there. ;)
I know several of you reading this are infertility bloggers, and in a sense this is just another reminder of what you (we!) don't have yet. And that part sucks. Please know that it's with so much hope that I am embarking on this. Hope for Jesse and I. That our dreams of being parents will be realized. But also hope for you. That your journey to parenthood will end happily. And when it does? I am going to make you thee cutest burp rags you ever did see. Promise. Cross my heart.
I've decided to call them J Baby Rags. J for our last name. Jesse wanted me to call them Burp Reynolds or Burp and Ernies. He's a funny one, eh? But I opted for J Baby, as yet again, another reminder that we will have our very own J Baby someday too.
(In my best infomercial voice)
And that's not all, folks! Keep reading!
I am also teaming up with some foster care parents in our area and will be donating one burp cloth for every order someone places. Foster care has always been something I've wanted to do, even before we knew we'd be dealing with infertility. Unfortunately right now it's not realistic, so this is my way of being able to help out these selfless families who do so much to provide love and stability to children so much in need. My friend, Amber, who is experiencing secondary infertility herself, is the one who inspired me to do this. She donates her time and money to make "journey bags" for children who abruptly go into foster care. Most of them leave the only home they know with only the clothes on their backs. Amber's generosity assures that these children have a backpack filled with a few essentials, and items that will make them a bit more comfortable in their new home. She's amazing.
Alright. I'm out. Thanks for reading this. I am purposely not posting pictures of the burp rags because all I have is crappy iPhone pictures. Stay tuned in the next few days, as I will have more details for you. Also consider following me on Instagram. My name on there is @losocrazyeverafter. I plan to use Instagram a lot as a way to showcase my cute, little products. Yay!◦
Posted by lo @ crazy ever after at 4:33 PM
Sunday, November 24, 2013
I left people hanging about what we decided to do this cycle. We didn't do the IUI. I want Jesse to feel like he is a part of this decision making process. It is, after all, always half of his choice in what we do. I respected Jesse's desire to see how acupuncture and supplements affects his overall counts and morphology. And we won't know that for another 90 days or so. No IUIs until that time. Little known fact about men's health: it takes a man's body 3 months to regenerate new sperm. So we won't know the full affect these supplements and treatments have on Jesse until roughly around February. The more you know.
No IUI meant doing things the regular ol' way. Of course it still had to be complicated. The two days (mornings) our RE wanted us to get it on just happened to coincide with the two days I was staying with another family while their mom was out of town. I won't go into great detail, but suffice it to say, we had to be creative with making it all work out. Super awesome. Super NOT romantic. At all.
Here are the two ornaments I mentioned buying after the appointment on Tuesday. I feel like they even look like embryos in the very early stages, where the cells keep dividing and dividing. You know what I am talking about, right? No? Ok. Never mind. I know this is all wishful thinking. But it's also positive thinking, guys. And that's something I am not always so good about. Plus? More ornaments on the Christmas tree. Never a bad thing. Especially when you have other ornaments on your tree like this....
Last year I made ornaments for our tree to pass the two week wait time between our first IUI and finding out the results of it. Jesse humored me by making a few as well. The above ornament is his handmade creation, paying homage to Soviet Russia. So random. So Jesse. I laughed when I unwrapped it this year.
I hopped on Facebook today, and read Resolve's status update asking if anyone blogged about their infertility journey, and what their blog URL was. I don't write responses on Resolve's statuses very often. Mostly because I don't talk about infertility on Facebook and I know if I comment on Resolve's status it will most likely show up on my friends' newsfeeds. Facebook is weird and obnoxious like that. I am by no means ashamed of our infertility, but rather, I just choose to not talk about it via Facebook status updates. Anyway. Today I felt different. Today I didn't care if my comment popped up on the newsfeeds of my Facebook friends. We're dealing with infertility. It kinda sucks. That's our life right now. Here's how I responded to Resolve's blogging question...
And it's the truth. I am so thankful for so many of you brave bloggers who also choose to give a voice to something that isn't openly discussed enough. And I am also thankful to Resolve for allowing us another great outlet to communicate with one another. It's really neat.
I have more on the awesomeness that is the infertility blogging community, but I am saving that for another post later this week. I recently participated in not one, but TWO swaps and thus received two of the sweetest packages in the mail this week. It was swell. But again, not right now. Later. Let's instead talk about the giant elephant in the room. I decorated the Christmas tree before Thanksgiving. My husband was none too happy about it. But it had to be done. And I don't feel guilty about it.
Posted by lo @ crazy ever after at 12:32 PM
Tuesday, November 19, 2013
It's our seventh medicated cycle and my body finally decided to respond to the medication by giving me two plump 18mm follicles. Finally. And yes, they most certainly are plump because I am a bloated goat right now. I felt a little giddy leaving the RE's office this morning. I wonder if this is what new moms feel like after they see that first positive pregnancy test. Or after they hear their baby's heartbeat for the first time. Clearly we are no where close to this. Healthy, plump follicles are only a fraction of what we need to get to a positive pregnancy test. But I celebrated regardless. By buying two cute, perfect round, felt ornaments for our Christmas tree. They reminded me of my follicles, so each one represents a happy follie. Of course I let myself dream that each of them will release an egg (the follicles, not the ornaments-how weird would that be?), and then those eggs will get fertilized by my husband's healthy sperm, and then....yeah, that's about as far as I got. Can't get too carried away. I really would like this to work out. Like really, really. Our only dilemma now is deciding if we'll do an IUI with this cycle, or just do it the ol' regular way. An IUI would help Jesse's guys get up closer to where they need to be. But then it would be our sixth and final IUI. Our Hail Mary. If it doesn't take, we are out of insurance coverage for IUIs. And that leaves a knot in my throat, and a gross, unsettled feeling in the pit of my bloated stomach. Part of me wants to hold out because with one IUI left still, we can hang onto hope of the last cycle possibly working. And then we might escape this nightmare without spending several, several thousand dollars. But if we use it, and it fails? We done. At least for a while.
I trigger tomorrow night. Wish us luck in our decision. Jesse's taking a late lunch, and calling me then to discuss our plan of action.◦
Posted by lo @ crazy ever after at 10:55 AM