Happy Halloween from Vern and Lois

Happy Halloween from that old married couple.

These classy little numbers won us the best costume award in the couples division at our friend's Halloween party last night. We beat out a very convincing Scooby Doo crew (by one vote--and I swear I didn't even stuff the ballot), along with the cast of That 70's Show. Suffice it to say I am a teeny bit proud of the DIY creativity that went into this, especially since these costumes got put together while wandering the aisles of Walmart just this past Thursday (a mere 48 hours before party time). We had no idea what we were going to be when we walked into the store, and a light bulb went off in my noggin the minute I laid eyes on that mumu number in the women's department. Jesse's costume is my favorite. I laughed until tears rolled down my face/peed a bit/fell on the floor (all at the same time--getting a good mental picture here?) when I first saw him in his complete get up. He is threatening to keep those velcro sneakers as a permanent part of his wardrobe (not sure if they are worse than socks with sandals or not?). The hat unfortunately had to be returned to my dad, as he is the current Dodge Center Lion's Club president, and needs to wear it to all affiliated functions in town. But I finally got my man in suspenders, just not in the way I had hoped. How about that walker? Completely vintage. That was the proud Craigslist purchase I made on Friday. Gotta love that Craig. My basket of goodies came from the Dollar Tree. All the old people essentials: Ben Gay, heartburn medication, Beano, a pill box, Gold Bond medicated powder. And now I totally get it. Being an old person can be the pits on the ol' bod. I woke up with a sore back (Vern, get me my Ben Gay!), but I think that might have had more to do with all that dancing Grandma did on the table.

Rump shakin' out on the dance floor.

Costume change time. Our husband's didn't appreciate this. Whoops!

And of course we couldn't forget about our very annoyed and costumed puppy babes.

Interestingly enough, we find the most effective way to get our dogs to behave is to put some sort of costume on them. So it isn't just on Halloween that we play dress up around here, but whenever we need them to sit still. It's also a great party trick (usually after we have exhausted the "Jesse lighting his farts", and right before Lauren tells her, "that time she cut off her finger and had it reattached" story). Without fail, the minute they have them on they become completely lethargic, and barely move a muscle. A welcomed contrast to their usual wild wiggliness. Apple lays down and plays possum, but Bobo stops dead in his tracks. If only we could read their minds. Pretty sure our sweet little puppies are saying something to the effect of, "B!tch, please."

But wait. Jesse just found Bobo adding props (note the camera around his neck--that was all him) to his costume. Me thinks he might like dressing up a leetle bit more than his sister. It's our little journalist dragon boy. A blogger in the making?? 

I decided to continue to DIY Halloween party at the following hot spots. Check out this and several other awesome projects!

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Happy Halloween from Vern and Lois

Wild On Wednesday 1.0

My fellow Minnesota native blogger buddy has accepted my challenge to begin Wild On Wednesday posts. It's just K Si and I. So far. But you should do it too. Soon the whole blogging world will be joining in, and we will have endless amounts of Wild On Wednesday minions (insert sinister evil laughter here).

Oh who am I kidding? I am sure we're not the first to start something so incredibly clever...but let's pretend we did...unless of course you have a copyright for Wild On Wednesdays or something. Then all I ask is that you not sue me (or K Si Says), OK? We're just two dorky bloggers that like to talk about what we're wild about. No harm in that, right?? Right.

So every time I think of the word wild, I think of the following movie scene:

(said after a certain macho someone breaks a window with a kicked off fence post): "You're wild."

Macho Fence Post Kicker (who wears tights and dances): "What?"

 (louder and with more passion): "You're WIIIIIIILD!!"

I carried a watermelon?

If you live under a rock (a rock void of sweet 80's cinemagic) then I demand that you click on this video and begin watching at 1:40. Wait. No. Watch the whole thing. Why? Because this movie is a classic. And also because you clearly have way too much time on your hands if you're reading this blog, and I feel it's my job to keep you busy, thus filling your head with useless 80's pop culture (my parents are so proud).

So. Wild.

Here's my Wild On Wednesdays (in no particular order):

1. Halloween candy--I work in the comforts of a home. Not my home. Someone else's. A home with lots of Halloween candy. The nerve of my employers setting it out there (on top of their fridge), taunting me with it's sugary goodness. So far all I have eaten are a few mini bags of Skittles. But it's only Wednesday. I plan on dominating a giant, delicious bag of something. And then blaming it on the babies.

Trick or TREAT please.

2. Dancing with babies--Do you get paid to dance with babies? I do. And it pretty much rocks. I also dance with baby's big sister. Equally as rockin'.

3. Nanny friends--I have established a fun network of work friends the past few weeks. As a nanny you don't really have co-workers. Well you do, but they are kids. And as smart as my little charges are, they don't always provide me with a lot of adult enriched conversation. Interestingly enough though, when I do find myself with my nanny friends with an opportunity to have a big kid convo, we still talk about poop.




Are they talking about poop? We'll never know.


4. Sushi--I had some last night. And it was delicious. And it was made by me and several of the aforementioned nanny friends. In my home. And we drank wine. And giggled about phallic objects. Oh, and it was like a festival of nations. Brazil, Venezuela, Germany, and Austria were all representin'. The next best thing to visiting these places? Having their inhabitants over to your home, and listening to their sexy accents. Boom shaka laka. Read my friend, Cathe's version of a cookbook to learn a bit more about the sushi making process.



Carolina (Miss Brazil), Andrea ( MissVenezuela),
Marion (Miss Austria), and some crazy American.



5. Writing--I am learning a lot more about this passion. And it's making me even more passionate. Funny how that works.

6. Finishing our wedding thank you notes--sort of, kind of...they are ALMOST done and I plan on sending them out all at the same time, so everyone gets them at the same time. For those of you checking the calendar and wondering why you haven't received a thank you note for the wedding gift you gave us EIGHT FRICKIN' WEEKS AGO: well it's coming. And I am sorry. We're very thankful. Just not so hot at that time management stuff. And I totally don't have complex about this at all, whydoyouask?

And that's all she wrote folks. How about you? Are you wild on Wednesday toooooo? Join up and tell us all about it. And until we get sued by the true originator of WOW (omg, it totally spells WOW!) we'll keep on keepin' on. Wild style. ◦

Wild On Wednesday 1.0

K-Love

I have another special guy in my life. Jesse knows about him so it's totally cool. His name is Kaleb. Or, as most of us have called him almost since day one, "K-Love". His mommy and daddy asked me to be his godmother a few weeks before he was born. Talk about an honor. My only hope is that I will be able to live up to this important role in his life. Our little K-Love man is such a joy, and I am so flippin' proud to be his godmommy. A whole year has passed by and in a week from tomorrow he will be turning one. And just today he decided to start walking. K-your pseudo uncle Jesse is also hoping that this day could also be remembered as the day the Vikings beat the Packers. We're up 13-17 as I type this. We're down 20-17 as I finish writing this post. Here's to hoping!  

Here's the letter I wrote K-Love the day after he was born. Sort of a formal introduction if you will you. Poor guy had no idea he would stuck with this whack-a-doo as a godmother. What was your mom thinking anyway, little guy? But Kaleb's been a good sport about it all. And he even made a very sweet appearance in our wedding this past summer.

Hi Kaleb!

As I write this, I haven't even met you yet. So I feel like I better
introduce myself to you. I am Lauren. I am pretty good friends with your mom
and dad. I got a phone call from your mom last night telling me that you had
arrived. Guess what!? You were late! Six days if I am not mistaken. I don't
think this made your mom very happy. I wanted you to come sooner too! I was
really hoping you to be born on Friday, October 29. I was planning on being
home that entire weekend and had you been born on that date it would have
been perfect for me and Jesse (my fiance) to come see you and hold you for
the first time. But you weren't having it. You were going to come out when
you were good and ready. You're a stubborn little guy that's for sure. But
that's ok. It sounds like you were good and ready on Sunday afternoon,
though, just as Jesse and I were on our way back to the cities. Go figure!

So...I suppose you want to know how I know your mom and dad. Your mom and I
go way back. Way, way back. In fact I met her when she was right around the
age you are now. That's 27 years ago! That might seem like a long time ago
to you but it feels like it was just yesterday for this old lady. ;) Your
mom and I went to the same daycare. She is convinced that I was always
trying to get her in trouble. I have never admitted this to her but she's
kinda right. It was always fun trying to put the blame on her. But no matter
how hard I tried to make her look bad, our daycare mom, Judy always seemed
to like her more than me. I graduated out of daycare much earlier than your
mom. I think she stayed in daycare until she was 18 or something. You'll
have to ask your Grandma Theresa about that one.

Your mom and I have shared many memories together. Did you know she was my
prom date our junior year of high school? Well we didn't actually go to prom
together but we hung out the entire day of prom while all of our other
friends were getting their hair done and taking pictures with their dates.
We were obviously too cool for that scene. ;) We also spent far too many
hours in the library our senior year of high school. Lots of memories were
made that whole year too. Pretty innocent times they were. We kind of lost
touch after high school but then got reunited again right before your mom's
21st birthday (and right after mine). Lots and lots of memories were made
that year. I should probably wait until you're a little older before I share
any of those memories, though. It was about a year or so after your mom
turned 21 that your mom met your daddy. I was there that night too. There
are a couple different versions of that story so I will let your mom and dad
tell you their version someday...again, when you're a little older. But
suffice it to say, for once in my life, my big mouth didn't get me in
trouble. In fact, it found your mom a boyfriend, who later became her best
friend, then her fiance, then her husband, and now the father of her child
(that would be you!). I was also in your parent's wedding. That was a very
fun day. I got to walk down the aisle with your Uncle Nathan, and hang out
with the rest of your mom's family, and get to know your dad's family as
well. You are a very lucky boy! You have such wonderful grandmas and
grandpas, and aunts, uncles, and cousins. You're going to be one spoiled
little fella that's for sure. And then there is me. I guess I am your
godmother. I am not entirely sure what your parents were thinking when they
asked me to play that role in your life...but I sure am honored. I plan to
love you, spoil you, and when you're older (and potty trained--I only change
diapers when they pay me), I am going to take you on fun adventures and let
you do all the things your mom and dad won't let you do. ;) Doesn't that
sound like so much fun?

Welcome to this fabulous world, Kaleb Jonah. Buckle up! It's going
to be a fun and bumpy ride. You couldn't ask for better guides, though. Your
parents loved you way before you were born, and they have been waiting so
long for you to complete their lives.

Love you lots and lots!

Your Godmother Lauren

Here are some pictures of what the past year has been like with the addition of you, Kaleb Jonah.

Before you were born your mom, dad, Becky, Jason, and I all went on a roadtrip to Chicago. It was an interesting trip. I made your mom cry. That was pretty cool. Or not. I was cranky because I thought Jesse was going to propose while we there but he didn't (he did a month later)....and yeah, not really our best moments in time. But there were still lots of fun memories made, despite a few tears and lame disappointments. I will never look at mashed potatoes the same after watching a homeless man eat some with his fingers after digging them out of the garbage--nummy! And you were there for it. Safe and sound in your momma's belly.

Here are your parents (and you!) posing down by Lake Michigan. Your parents are definitely quite dashing but I think you're the cutest one (by far) in this picture. 

 A few weeks and that anticipated engagement later you made your big appearance. Finally!!

You were such a pretty baby. I have never been super fond of newborns. But you. You were handsome from day one. I want to think you get that from me.

We got to see you a few weeks later around Thanksgiving.

Here is your uncle Jesse holding you like you're made of pig skin, and not kid skin. Thank goodness he didn't try to spike you.

Two things. I miss my long hair. And I have that nook leash thinger-ma-bobber in my purse. Not sure how it got there, but I like that I have it because every time I see it I think of you.

And just when I thought you couldn't get any cuter?? You go and do this. I wish we lived closer so I could just bop in to see you at random. Maybe someday?

And here I am explaining to you that maybe if you wear this Twins sleeper every time the Twins play then maybe, just MAYBE they will win the World Series. Or not. (I am rooting for the Cards this year just in case you were wondering--I think Pujols looks like my brother-in-law)

And how could we forget you completely stealing the show this past August when you were in our wedding. You made our day so special, and we loved having you there. Oh, and your mommy and daddy too. And your grandmas and grandpas, and aunts and uncles. :)

Happy (almost) first birthday to you, little K-Love. We love you and we LOVE watching you grow, learn, and explore this crazy little thing called life. Looking forward to celebrating your birthday in spooktacular style next Saturday.

PS-beginning of the third quarter and we're down 27-17. Not looking so good for those Vikes.

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K-Love

Pedal My Pub

I traded in Hi-oon-die.

She was sooo September 2011.

I am so moving on.

To this.

I feel it only logical.

Where's the logic you ask?

Here. I'll tell you.

• It can accommodate 16 of my closest cats (that's slang for friends, yo!)
• There's room for a keg on it (I could pretty much end the list right here but I'll keep going anyway)
• I have the option to wear a helmet (an option I will most def be taking advantage of)
• I am also going to wear these cute boots (and I might add fur to them and wear my apple bottom jeans)

• I get to pedal and drink beer at the same time (lets hope it doesn't turn out the same way as me walking and taking video at the same time, but if it does I am prepared--see previous two bullet points--sturdy footwear and a helmet)
• There is a sober driver (can I get a what, what!?!)
• It's totally green. It's like my carbon footprint is shrinking right before my very eyes (oh, oh, oh, it's magic).
• I get to be obnoxious and embarrass my husband (my sole mission in life--love you, huns buns)

Yep. So there you have it. Sorry Hi-oons. I am seeing other modes of transportation today. It's not you. It's me. I just need today to think about some things. I feel like things started really hot and heavy, and well, I need some space, OK? I'll call you on Sunday. Tell XM not to let anyone else listen to her while I am away. At least not the 90's on 9 channel. I own that channel. 

If my fabulous bullet point presentation wasn't enough for you, feel free to click here to learn all about the Pedal Pub we're partaking in this afternoon. I'll try to take pictures. No promises, though.

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Pedal My Pub

Our Saturday in pictures (and wordy captions)

Edit: I have been told the video below isn't uploading. So check out this link if you want to see it. And trust me. You totally do.

We live within walking distance of a beautiful park. It's a cryin' shame that we have lived in this neighborhood since the beginning of the summer, and have yet to check out the miles upon miles of lovely trails. I blame that epic wedding of ours that completely sucked the fun out of our summer. Just kidding. It was totally worth it. Today we decided to check things out. And apparently just in the nick of time too. As in, had we gotten there five hours later we would have had to postpone our adventure until tax day of next year (with a good, solid chance of still needing to sport a parka and snow boots at said time). The Eloise Butler Wildflower Garden and Bird Sanctuary is open from April 15th through October 15th of every year. Whew. Talk about a close call. We spent a beautiful hour or so walking around, as well as sitting on a bench in complete silence. OK. So I only shut my trap and took in the pretties for roughly two minutes. That's a Little Red School House record for this girl. PS-did anyone else's parents make them play that game when they were little or is just this loud mouth who has that memory?

My history lovin' nerd of a husband (who I find completely sexy) had to stop off and read all about Eloise. She seemed like quite the stand up lady. You can either wait until April 15th of next year to learn a bit more about her. Or read about her here.

I was on the lookout for bears. I think a bear attack is at the top of my list of worst ways to die. And yes, I have a list. What's on yours?

And then there is this. This video right here is proof that I have zero shame. Zero. None. Nunca (that's my made up word for none btdubs). I will share anything all in the name of laughter. It is the best medicine after all. It's only like twelve seconds long so you won't feel like you lost a precious amount of your life by viewing it. Only twelve seconds because something rather unfortunate happens bringing the video taping to an abrupt and unfortunate end. Spoiler alert: I was NOT attacked by a bear.  

Did you snot laugh? I totally did. I have watched it about twenty times so far and laugh every time. I have the grace of a gazelle, I tell ya! This was at the beginning of our walk, but we decided to cut the videography stint because clearly me + Flip Cam + walking + talking = well you know if you just watched the video. Whole lot of hot mess happening right there.

After chillin' with our girl, Eloise for a bit, we took off for home. Here is a picture that Jesse took from the comforts of Hi-oon-die while I drove us home.

This is practically our backyard, folks! How awesome is that? I think it's pretty neato. And I am totally not prepared for it to turn all white, though. Yeah. I went there. Like most other normal Minnesotans, I am totally dreading winter. Really banking on XM Radio and all wheel drive to be a game changer for me this winter. Here's hoping anyway.

Oh and here's a little something we're also working on this weekend. Dun, dun, dun.

THANK YOU NOTES!!! Yes, we know that we got married seven weeks ago today. BUT Emily Post says that you have up until three months after you received the gift to send out thank you notes. Whew. Saved by the etiquette queen.

We have a lot of them to write, but it's really not that bad. Not to sound all thankful and stuff, but it really is the least we can do when it comes to showing our gratitude to our wedding guests. They were pretty good to us. I had a few other less conventional ways we were going to say our thank yous, but in the end we opted to go the traditional route. Maybe if you're lucky I will share with you our first, second, and third runner-up options. Jaime, I might need your help in remembering them again, though.

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Our Saturday in pictures (and wordy captions)

Female Weird Al

Here's what happens when you watch the E! True Story about Katy Perry, have the laptop open to a blank blog screen, and pick a scab. All at the same time.

You make up new ridiculous lyrics to songs that were already oozing with ridiculousness.

And then you blog about them.

The old, lame lyrics went a sumfin' like this:

I kissed a girl and I liked it; the taste of her cherry chapstick.

My new super-awesome, kick arse lyrics:

I picked a scab and I ate it; the taste of my dry and cracked skin.

And that's all she wrote, folks. Feel free to finish the song it in the comment section below.

PS-I don't eat my scabs. But I do pick them on occasion. I probably shouldn't. But it itched. I picked. Itch? Pick. So sue me. Seriously. I don't eat them. Because that would be gross. Don't you think I should pitch those lyrics to Weird Al, though? I am thinking YES!

In other news (seriously, move on, I didn't eat the scab)...I got awarded a blog award today! My friend over at Kelly Simon Says awarded it to me. This has happened once before, and much like the first time I am feeling a little verklempt. Please. Talk amongst yourselves (Linda Richmond anyone?). OK. I am better. And once again, I find myself in shexy sweatpants while I accept the Versatile Blogger award. And much like last time, puppies are napping by on me. Sweatpants and puppies. My lot in life.



A little about Kelly: She is this sweet sizzle gal I have found myself getting acquainted with through blogging. We're both relatively newbies on the blog scene. It's been fun getting to know her, and I totes covet her mad apartment decorating and design skillz (check out all the projects that she MacGuyvers --if I didn't have design ADD I'd be trying several of them), and the fact that she lives in New Jersey (I imagine her living down the street from the Gorgas and Giudices). And she has a cute dog that she adopted from the same Humane Society that is literally a mile down the road from where I live now. How random is that? Well here's the scoop. Before jet setting off to Jersey she established some roots here in good ol' southeastern Minnesohhhtahhh. Just like me. And I don't know her exact age, but I am pretty sure her and I are close, thus I am pretty sure we hung out at the same football games (but on opposite sides of the field). The football games where Triton (my old stoppin' grounds) whooped up on NRHEG (the high school down the ol' dirt road that Kelly went to). 2000 AA State Football champs--comin! Yeah. Whoever would have thought I'd be a blogging buddy with a NRHEGer?? It's all come full circle. It's as if this blog award is a proverbial olive branch being extended my way. Time heals all wounds, right, Kells Bells? Does this mean you forgive me for slashing your tires during the sub-section championship game in '99? I promise it was all a huge misunderstanding.

This is K Si's adorable dog. We're not the only
ones who shamelessly dress up our mutts. Whew.

I will be back soon(ish). As part of accepting this blog award I also need to tag a few of my other fav blogs. And tell you seven random things about myself. Random. I definitely do random. Might even throw something random about the husband in there too.

Until then--love, peace, and chicken grease. ◦

Female Weird Al

Dog Vlog

The dogs asked if they could upload their very first video blog tonight. They have been begging to use our sweet, new Flip cam since the day we got it as a wedding gift from a few of our We Got The Runs teammates (thanks Ma, Hy-May and Cuz--you guys are the bomb.com). Since the naughty puppies don't have thumbs they asked yours truly to be the camera lady. Without further ado, I give you our very first Spike Lee Apple.Bobo joint.

We did a quick playback before uploading to the blog. Someone is quite smitten with himself, no? Or he loves the sound of his mom's man voice. Totally hot. Can you blame him?

And yes, this short video is a very accurate depiction of what our nights are usually like. Sports comentating in the background (or Bravo--we usually decide by a best out of three arm wrestling contest--clearly wasn't bringing my A game tonight), lovingly patronizing our dogs, and eating. Copious amounts of eating. It's a glamorous life but someone needs to live it.

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Dog Vlog

Hi-oon-die

Jesse and I have been loving the new addition to our family. No. We didn't add to our puppy pack. We got....

A NEW CAR!!!!!

Imagine me actin' a foo, screaming like a banshee, and huggin' up on a sun-baked Bob Barker. Cuz that's pretty much what it was like the day they handed me the keys to OUR NEW CAR. 

I talked the hubster man into "just looking" with me a few Saturdays back. We'd been talking about trading in my beloved Exploder for quite some time, but never ventured as far as stopping at any dealerships to see what was out there. Why? Because "just looking" sorta, kinda, totally turned into "just buying", and before you know it we were driving off in our semi-brand new set of wheels. It's a 2010 Hyundai Santa Fe, and by far the newest car that I have ever owned. Hyundai. Pronounced Hun-day according to my smarty pants husband. Not Hi-oon-die like I kept saying at the car dealership. And have kept saying since the day I drove away like I stole it. PS-I didn't!

We recently took our new, little Hi-oon-die out for a few glamour shots. You know, for her baby book. So she'll have something to look back at when remembering her younger years. I thought they turned out quite nicely. But I will let you decide. Buckle up and take a little spin with us, will ya?

First stop:

Of course we just had to visit Dick, to show him my new ride. He was super impressed, and even let Hi-oon-die pose for a picture in front of his big Dick Edwards sign. I thought that was super nice of him. Dick is a class act.

From Dick's it was off to...wherever this was. I am not really sure. But I thought the Hi-oon-die looked pretty snazzy parking her prettiness next to this spot too. Strike a pose. Vogue.

And finally we drove her straight through a giant game of checkers. We apologized, but insisted it was a must have photo, because once again, she completely looked hot sizzle here too. King me!

What can I say? Hi-oon-die doesn't take a bad picture. 

Even her backside photographs well.

Another little side note about my little Hi-oon-die. She came fully equipped with all wheel drive (a Minnesota must have), a full bumper to bumper 100,000 mile warranty (smart choice for us), AND (wait for it) three months of free XM Radio!!! You know how I love me some free. This is no exception. My trips to and from work, and everywhere in between and beyond have become 200 percent more awesome. I am particularily fond of the all 90's station. It's funny how these songs can instantly take you back. And how I still remember almost every lyric of almost every song. Or every fake lyric. Yeah. I am pretty notorious for making up my own words to songs.

Case in point:

"Don't go chasing waterfalls. Please stick to the quivers and lakes that you're used to."

Quivers? Really? Yeah. I have no answer for that. Sorry.  

Tonight Jesse and I were rockin' out some sweet 90s cuts. Well I was rockin'. Jesse was grabbing the "Oh Sh!t" handle and praying his last living memory wouldn't be of me belting out an Alanis Morrisette song. All was good. I was totally still paying attention to the road, and even dedicated this song to him, with me at lead vocals naturally.



Listen to it. If you are a child of the 90's this will totally take you back. Who doesn't remember singing this song and feeling completely like it spoke of your current love affair. Well for me it spoke of a fake love affair. But now it's totally a real one, and it reminds me totally of Jesse and I. And so I told him as much while I took a brief vocal break.

The love anthem ended, I shed a tear (seriously), and this song followed it. And then Jesse said, "This song reminds me of you."

This song is completely not PG, or even PG-13. It's totally rated R. And I don't know what was more shocking: that this song makes him think of me, or how well Jesse knew it. Like seriously, you're a white boy from the suburbs. Exactly who do you think you are anyway? Fo' sheezy mah neezy.

So there you have it. Clearly me and my suburban bred white boy rapper wannabe husband are totally lovin' life, and livin' it up in.....

OUR NEW CAR!!!!!

How about you? Did you recently buy a new car too? Do you have XM Radio and sometimes hang out in your car like me just so you can listen to it? Just me? How about those Bob Barker snapshots? Totally brought me back to my daycare days. Thanks to my daycare mom, Judy, I don't think I missed an episode of the Price Is Right, or Young and the Restless from birth to kindergarten.

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Hi-oon-die

You've Been Fat Matt Damon'd

So as I am reading our blog stats tonight I find it only slightly humerous that one of the search keywords associated with our blog is "fat Matt Damon". I am not sure what I did write right to have those three sweet words attached to our blog, but I am definitely a fan. And I don't want it to change. Never. Ever. In an effort to always have a blog linked to a fat Matt Damon I now give you the following mouth watering visuals.

Whoaza! At a loss for words? I think the words you're looking for are, "Thank you"? And you're most certainly welcome. I do what I can. And yes, this will probably be an ongoing thing. If you are a faithful OBFFW blog reader there is a solid good chance that you will be Fat Matt Damon'd again. Not sure when. But it will happen. You've been warned. Probably not the best way to boost readership. Let's just go with it, though, ok?

And no, I can not tell you who my sources are for these pictures. But I can tell you that they (he or she?) are very much in the know, and have access to hunderds...thousands...trillions of fat celeb pics. Here. I'll give you a hint. Their name may or may not start with a G and end in an oogle. But that's all I am going to say.

Thank you for reading. And for commenting. Oh wait. You never comment. Because you're a creepy blog stalker that just likes to read our blog and not leave comments. What gives? Don't make me send a fat Matt Damon after you. You know I have connections.

Side Note: This blog entry was Lauren's very first "write without editing" exercice. Short of a few grammatical errors, everything she wrote was just as it came out of her brain, and without the use the delete button. It was unedited. Sometimes good. Sometimes scary. But some days you just gotta go with it, ya know? Or as the Dixie Chicks say, "Some days ya gotta dance. Live it up when ya get the chance." Man. I just love that song.

PS--Lauren lives a very unedited life. 

PPS--I think I did the first person/third person narrative switch up again. Is this a tell tale sign that I am forming split personalities? Crap.

PPS--Do you have any wierd seach keywords attached to your blog? Tell me all about it!

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You've Been Fat Matt Damon'd

Updates!

Pssst! We made a few changes around here. Here's what we got goin' on in Crazy Ever After land.

• (Re)introduced us as Mr. and Mrs. HERE. And yes, I totally skipped from first person to third person narrative a few times. Please don't judge. 

 Why yes, those are even more vintage windows in this picture above. I swear, they just find me! 

• Added a crap ton of pictures of the barn transformation HERE. I have several more before images, but I am waiting on my momma to send them to me. Should be up soon.

• And of course, there is a whole page of FABULOUS wedding pictures HERE. Narcissistic? Maybe a bit. Either that, or I am still in complete shock over how good Jesse and I cleaned up on our wedding day that I needed to post them as photographical proof (Firefox is telling me that photographical isn't a word-stupid squiggly lines). Who were those hot cats anyway? That's total sarcasm. I know we're not THAT hot. But in all seriousness, we are super proud of our nearly all DIY wedding. And super proud that we survived it with only a smidge of post traumatic stress. I think I need to pass out buttons to everyone who helped out and/or put up with me this past year. They'd say, "I survived the big fat farm wedding of twenty eleven and all I got was this lame button!" I'd pass them out to my parents, employers, bridesmaids, MY (dear, sweet, ever so patient) HUSBAND. And they better wear them. I could possibly make some shirts too. We'll see how the masses respond to the buttons first, though. Thoughts? What? You think I need to open my own Etsy shop. Done.

• Our amazing wedding photographer wrote a beautiful wedding post about our wedding. So very sweet of her. Check that out HERE. She was able to upload pictures in a much more professional way than I did on our blog. They make us look even hotter. Again, quite shocking.

• And then my dear sweet Swedish gal pal (who I am trying to adopt and/or find a way to smuggle back into the US-I need to Google how to do that btdubs) wrote a beautiful blog about us and shared several of her ahhhh-mazing pictures HERE. Let me be the first to say it. This girl is going places with her talents. And that's why I want to adopt her. It would be like the Swedish version of the Blind Side. And Sandra Bullock would play me.

• Think I can do anymore links?? HERE. Like Emily on Facebook. And HERE. While you're at it, like my girl, Sara too. Oh and my wedding coordinator. She was a ROCK STAR. Check out her blog HERE.

• Not really sure what's up with the bullet points. Just go with it, ok?  

Wait for it....wait for it.....

 JUMP!!!

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Updates!

Wild about WINDOWS!

I have a thing for windows. And I am apparently not the only one, which is evident here. My fellow blogger buddy oh pal, Carla began featuring things that she was truly, madly, deeply (can you tell I have been listening to a lot of 90s cuts lately--shout out to my boys from Savage Garden, yo!) head over heels in love with. Her first HOH post back in March was all about vintage windows. The images she pulled from all the corners of the interwebs (and her home!!) made me drool. I love the look of old windows, and how people upcycle them, and incorporate them into their home's decor. I joined the ranks of vintage window ownership this summer. I came across it while treasure hunting this past June. It's an old window that has been turned into a mirror.

Exhibit A: a terribly blurry mobile upload of it hanging out in our spare bedroom.

It has been be-bopping it's way around our little duplex the last few months. She is still trying to find her permanent place in our home. With all the shuffling of wedding gifts and paraphernalia, and a naughty dog who wants to kill the dog he sees every time he comes in contact with the mirror (newsflash Einstein puppy--that's your reflection you're seeing), I am surprised she has survived the summer. But she is still here. Oh and the best part about this fancy find? It was a five dollar make ya holler deal. At five bucks I couldn't go wrong. Cheap it was, but carrying it around while I continued my treasure hunting was definitely no easy feat.

Back to Carla. When she learned how much my heart pitter pattered for vintage windows she offered to give me an old windows she had in her basement. Yes. You read that correctly. She gave it to me. Just like that. I already thought she was pretty cool, but she secured herself a spot amongst my top ten coolest humans ever when she pulled that one out of her hat.

A little recap on Mrs. Hammers and High Heels--soon after connecting through blogging we learned that we lived a mile from each other (ca-razy!). We bonded even further while volunteering together after that wretched tornado hit her home and neighborhood this past May. Both her and her husband are super chill people. She invited me over one evening this past summer so we could do something fun with the window she was giving us. I showed up with a lot of cheesy snacks (and some Stoli vodka). Suffice it to say we had a great time chatting about everything from ex-boyfriends to blogging. Here is the blog post she wrote about our window adventure. PS--her house is as cool as it looks on her blog.

This is what the window looked like when it was hanging out down in Alex and Carla's basement.

And here is what it looked like at our wedding. Click on the link above for a more in detail tutorial on how we pulled this off (with some minor major assistance from Alex). After the window was transformed we decided to use it to display pictures from Jesse's parent's wedding, exactly forty years prior to ours. They didn't know about the pictures and absolutely loved the surprise! We too were pleased with how it turned out.



Our wedding continued with the vintage window theme, thanks to fellow Facebook friend and blogger, Jennifer. Her and I reconnected this past year. Gotta love that Book of Faces. She was the librarian at the Dodge Center library when I was growing up, and I adored her. I used to go in there as an awkward 13 year old to help shelve books (and to read Country Woman magazine -- omg, I was such a dork!). But I mostly just went in there so I could hang out with our funky, new librarian. She always had pretty painted nails. And a HUGE obsession with Bruce Springstein. Fast forward 15 years. She is the mother of three cute boys, still loves The Boss, and continues to sport the pretty nails. And she hooked me up with this window that she had hoped to do something with but never got around to. Here is how I used it:

I wrapped burlap around a thick cardboard backing, attached a few of our engagement pictures, displayed the front of our wedding program that had a screen image of my parent's barn, and stapled it all to the window. Boom. Instant narcissistic wedding decor. The only downside was that I didn't attach the photos to the burlap very well so they started shifting down. Boo.

Oh and the construction paper cut out art that you see in the picture? I know. It doesn't really go with the theme of our wedding, right? But how do you say no to this face when she offers to help make wedding decorations. 

A few weeks before the wedding I was babysitting this little peanut and her big sisters. With the stress of wedding planning clearly getting the best of me, I found myself venting to an innocent five year old about all I still had to do; wedding decorations at the top of the to-do list. Yeah. I didn't discriminate who I vented to when it came to wedding woes. The next thing you know she comes up to me with  freshly created construction cutouts. "Look Lowan, decowations for the wedding!" You can bet your butt I made sure there was a note to my wedding coordinator the day of the wedding making sure these precious pieces of art were tied into our decor somehow.

Back to the windows. And yes! There were even one more!!  

Here is the one my mom had in her house prior to bringing it out to the bar for the wedding.

That is one of the greatest parts about using these windows for our wedding. They all have the ability to be incorporated into our home post-wedding. Our walls tend to be pretty bare. Slowly but surely this is changing. Tonight I set up the window Carla gave us, and added a few pictures and other items I have been hoarding. Here is what it looks like now.

It's still a work in progress. I need to tighten up the twine a bit, but it's coming together nicely. I love the hodge podge look of it. It's clear that I have a hard time throwing things away, but I don't feel so bad about this now that I am able to turn a lot of these random items into wall decor!



I linked up and am partying with my fellow DIY bloggers over at The DIY Showoff!

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Wild about WINDOWS!