Things we say to our dogs.

Do you have lingo that you only use with your pets? I use the word "only" very loosely. Because our dog lingo has crept into our daily lingo in an embarrassingly, disgustingly sorta way.

But I shall share it with you regardless of the embarrassment. Because I am nice like that. And because I haven't blogged in long, damn time. And that needed to change. Stat.

We live near a city that goes by the name Vadnais Heights. Vadnais rhymes with sadness. I feel the need to disclose this, lest the next the few sentences make zero complete sense to the non-locals. Side note: We were watching Letterman one night and he showed a news clip from Vadnais Heights. But he pronounced it Vod-nayse. Nope. Totally wrong, Leetermon. Vadnais. As in Sadness. You can now never say I haven't taught ya nothin'.

Now. For the first installment of (many...but probably not cuz we all know my attention span is about thisbig--not very big at all) things we say to our dogs.

"I have located something. There is a sad puppy laying on the bed. She lives in Sadness Heights, population: one sad puppy."

Which has led us to now call Apple "Sadness Heights", or both of the dogs simply, "The Sads."

"Look at The Sads. They know we're leaving and so they are insisting on being super sad."

And sometimes we call them "The Nods" which is short for naughty puppies. Bobo (who's original given name is David Bowie) is often referred to as "Nods Buh-Bo."

And if you think the above is disgustingly disgusting....well maybe don't read anymore.

We use the word puppy a lot. Or Bobo. In fact any dog that we see is a Bobo.

"Did you see that big Bobo walk by just now?"

"Bobo, are those police Bobos (German Shepherds) on the teev teev?"

Bobo watches the teev teev. A lot. Apple? She is too cool. And too busy penning her tell all autobiography. It's going to be epic.

A teev teev is a television btdubs.

Btdubs is short for btw.

Btw is short for by the way. Duh.

Wait. Where was I going with this?

Oh. I remember.

We have issues.

Clearly.

I shall leave you now. Maybe.

Ok. One more.

"Bobo love."

That's the text message I get everyday between 2pm and 3pm from my husband. It's his way of saying I love you. But you wouldn't know that. But now ya do. Cuz I just told you. And there are good chances he's typing it while he is pooping...is it weird that I know my husband's pooping schedule? Nope. Not. At. All. Do you know how much we save on TP when he poops at work? Not that much really. Cuz I use almost an entire roll when I just go potty. It's a thing. More of a fear really. A fear that my urine, or worse, my number twos will touch my hand mid-wipe. Suffice it to say we have two plungers for my liberal use of the poop paper.

PS: We went to a wedding today. It was beautiful (nice segue from poop to holy matrimony, Lo). But the Minneapolis Convention Center was too bright with all their fancy windows, thus us wearing our shades inside. You can blame the free keg beer.

PPS: And of course dog pictures for your viewing pleasure. You are most certainly welcome.

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Things we say to our dogs.